He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
