I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
