I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
