I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
