Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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