weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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