ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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