I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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