I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize