Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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