Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
