dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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