if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize