Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
