OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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