I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
