Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
