She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
