I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
