It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
