so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
