haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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