So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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