we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
