Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
