everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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