the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
