How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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