I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
