i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
