Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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