Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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