i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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