Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
