Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize