The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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