you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
