i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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