It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
