tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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