look no pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
