im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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