My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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