All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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