Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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