Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
