Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
