That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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