so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
