you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
